“You shall not go about spreading slander among your kinsmen; nor shall you stand by idly when your neighbor's life is at stake. I am the LORD.”-Leviticus 19:16
“Some appear to suffer the pangs of death until they have disclosed the secrets communicated to them; as if these secrets were so many thorns that wound their very heart until they are drawn out.”
-St. Alphonsus Liguori, The True Spouse of Christ
Detraction:
The sin of detraction is universal in that most are guilty of it in one way or another. Gossip is the tastiest of vices because it can be done under the pretense of “concern” for the welfare of others. It may be just a subtle way of making us feel better about ourselves. But if you were to identify one characteristic which was universal among the Saints, it would be that they were careful not to indulge in useless talk about other people’s faults. Venerable Louis of Granada said, “Speak of the virtues of your neighbor, but be silent as to his faults.” And if you happen to be faced with a conversation which involves detraction, then you might want to consider what else this venerable man of God said: “Prudently endeavor to turn the conversation, or show by the severity of your countenance that this conversation is not pleasing to you. Beware of hearing the detractor with smiling attention, for you thus encourage him, and consequently share in his guilt.”
Here are a couple of guiding principles that are hard to practice but nevertheless a good standard toward which we can aspire.
1. One Saint said, “Do not say something about someone in their absence that you would not say in their presence.” There are so many pious Christians who are superb with their devotionals but are quick to terar down others in their absence. But as St. James wrote, “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, his religion is vain.” (James 1:26) Our Lord also said that we will have to account for every idle word and pay back every last penny. At the very least, gossip is comprised of idle words. The following counsel on detraction from St. Alphonsus is good to keep in mind as well: “The sin of detraction is committed, not only by imputing to others what is not true, by exaggerating their defects, or by making known their hidden faults, but by also representing their virtuous actions as defective, or by ascribing them to bad motives.” The he goes on to say, “Let if be your care always to speak well of all. Speak of others as you would wish to be spoken of by others.”
2. There are also many Christians who are confused over what gossip really is. There are legitimate conversations people must have about the harmful behavior of others. On a professional level, job performance is one such case. But also if a person is behaving in such a way so as to undermine the common good in a family, organization or community, then we should address such matters to those who absolutely need to know about it. This is not gossip but rather a moral obligation.
Time and time again I see Christians balking on their moral obligations, such as alerting rightful authorities about the misdeeds of others out of fear that they are gossiping. With that said, there is always going to be shades of gray where a conversation could go in either direction. Just ask yourself: Does this person really have to know about the faults and sins of a certain person I am inclined to discuss. Sometimes they do; sometimes they don’t. Furthermore, do such sins or faults cause me joy or sadness? If they cause you sadness then your disposition is more like that of a Saint.
3. The Saints possessed an exceptional quality in that when the sins or faults of others were made known to them, they, more often than not, were sad to hear about such things. And when they could, they would try to identify some good trait even in those who seemed unlovable at times. When everyone was talking about so-and -so sins, they were inspired to mention something good about the person. Even if your worst enemy were to fall from grace or was overcome with some vice, just keep in mind how it grieves our Lord. Such considerations were always on the forefront of saintly minds.
4. Finally, our generation- especially among Christians -struggle mightily to show any disapproval or to offer correction to a people face-to-face. Indeed, there is a great deal of confusion as to what Christian love is. If at all possible, instead of complaining to a secondhand source, take your grievance to the person who is the object of your displeasure. You would think that in Catholic apostolates, parishes and dioceses this virtue of "saying what you mean, and mean what you say" is practiced to a higher degree. But in many cases, from my experience and the experience of others, it can be just as bad than the secular world. As you well know, people in the twenty-first century are extremely sensitive. They do not like to be criticized. As such, they will not be constructively critical in a face-to-face meeting with others. Instead, what often happens is that they express their discontent to people who can do little or nothing about it. This is why I value friendships who are upfront with people about their thoughts and feelings. What you see is what you get.
Detraction and gossip are difficult vices to overcome…for nearly everyone. It requires going back to drawing board by saying to oneself: “Maybe I shouldn’t have said that.” And just as important, unnecessarily speaking about the faults of others should be brought to the confessional so that the Lord could give us the wisdom and the strength to avoid detraction. And whenever you find yourself tempted to speak of your neighbor's faults, keep the following caution from our Lord in mind: "Nothing is concealed that will not be revealed, nor secret that will not be known." (Matthew 10:26) Sooner or later, what we say behind closed doors will be made known. Not a bad incentive to curb our tongue!
