Living the Moral Life: Beyond Narcissism

Narcissism and the Four Levels of Happiness:

Dr. Drew Pinsky, who is not known for being an advocate for traditional values, once said that for the first time in history the younger generations want to be famous more than they want to be rich. Historically, the most coveted vice was avarice; that is, the desire to become rich. But today’s commonly held desire to become famous is even more sinister. In fact, one can argue that fame breeds the worst vice of all, namely, narcissism. To become famous is to become a celebrity. And according to Dr. Drew, many celebrities struggle with narcissism.

Unfortunately, today’s entertainment- marketed to attract young people -puts a very high premium on becoming famous. It’s all about becoming a star, they say. Because of this, more and more young men and women only experience a superficial kind of happiness. According to Fr. Robert Spitzer, founder of the The Magis Center for Reason and Faith, there are four levels of happiness. The first two- laetus and felix –are the most commonly experienced levels of happiness. However, the third and fourth levels of happiness- beatitudo and sublime beatitudo –are becoming more rare.

The thing to note about narcissism and the first two levels of happiness is that they are ego-driven and sensual in nature. For this reason, they are fleeting and short-lived. But the tragedy of this shallow way of living life is that adverse circumstances can turn it upside down in a heartbeat. Perhaps, this is why the suicide rate has increased in recent years. The grave disorder of narcissism is that it is ill-adapted to the real world. Day to day circumstances, more often than not, will not cooperate with the narcissistic illusion that the world revolves around one individual. Soon or later, the brutal facts will confront that individual; rocking his or her world down to the core.

In any event, here are the four levels of happiness that Fr. Robert Spitzer identifies (in his own words):

1. Laetus: Happiness in a thing. Thus, "I see the linguini, I eat the linguini, it makes me feel good, I am happy." This kind of happiness is based on something external to the self, is short-lived and, on reflection, we do not consider that it is all there is to human happiness.

2. Felix: The happiness of comparative advantage. "I have more of this than X." "I am better at this than X." This kind of happiness results from competition with another person. The self is seen in terms of how we measure up to others. It has been called "the comparison game." Such happiness is rather unstable and, if one fails, can lead to unhappiness and sense of worthlessness. Exclusive pursuit tends to oppress others. Most people would not imagine a world as satisfactory if it was composed of only happiness #2 type people.

3. Beatitudo: (Beatitudo = happiness or blessedness). The happiness that comes from seeing the good in others and doing the good for others. It is, in essence, other-regarding action. Happiness #3 is, in some sense, at war with happiness #2. One cannot be at the same time in competition with someone else and doing the good for and seeing the good in them. Most people would prefer a world (community, family, relationships) structured around the pursuit of happiness #3 than entirely based in happiness #2. Happiness #3 is higher than happiness #2. The problem with #3 is that it is necessarily limited. We cannot be someone else's everything. For example, we or they, will die and if our happiness is contingent upon them, it dies with them. "There must be more than this."

4. Sublime Beatitudo: (sublime = "to lift up or elevate"). This category, the most difficult to describe, encompasses a reach for fullness and perfection of happiness. The fullness, therefore, of goodness, beauty, truth and love. So we recognize in this category, those things that are, in a sense, beyond what we are capable of doing purely on our own.

The fourth level of happiness, of course, has everything to do with God. It is, along with level three, the most fulfilling and durable form of happiness. And the reason for this is that a life based on the love of God and neighbor (as Christ teaches) is best adapted to the real world and to the needs of the soul who chooses this path.


Getting Beyond Level One and Two:

As stated in the previous article,  The Impact of Pentecost on Morality, if we are to get beyond a sensual-ego driven kind of existence, we need a new spirit and a new heart (cf. Ez. 36:25-27) With this, the baptized Christian can- if he chooses –aspire to live up to the high moral standards of Christ. But such an ascent requires a kind of death of the sensual and egoistic part of the self.

The question is: How do we get there? Sure, all of these truths are fine and good in the abstract but what are some practical ways to overcome the narcissist in each of us? Keep in mind that that the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in the soul needs the cooperation of the soul to do his work. To be sure, the Spirit of Christ not only inspires ideals, but he presses the soul onward toward practical resolutions. Fr. Robinson, author of Spiritual Combat Revisited, gives the rationale behind this: “This is not so much an effort to build up a series of virtues; no doubt spiritual exercises should have that effect; but even more so, progress in spirituality is intensely personal; it means growing in a more intimate union with Christ.”

Living a moral life that leads to a level three and level four happiness cannot be reduced to a program of "do’s and don’ts" apart from Christ. In fact, living the moral life flows from an intimate union with Christ. Try as they may, but when public institutions ignore this theological principle they will continue to fail in trying to create a just and moral society. No political or social program can substitute for a new spirit and a new heart given to us by God.

Although living the moral life cannot be reduced to following a set of moral precepts, the Saints give us plenty of tips on how to put it the moral life into effect; that is, once we received a new spirit and a new heart through baptism. Below are five tips:

1. The first cause of moral goodness: To pray to God throughout the day is to act on the First Cause of moral goodness. The Saints and the great monastics that made this world a better place because they knew the discipline of prayer. Do your best to pray- even if it is a short spontaneous prayer –in the morning before work, at noon (Angelus is good for this), at 3pm to commemorate our Lord’s death and in the evening. This will keep alive the presence of God throughout the day.

2. Acts of self-denial: The Eucharistic Sacrifice at the altar is the supreme act of love because it is the supreme act of self-denial. When we give up a little something here, and a little something there, we rehearse for the hour of our death. Indeed, at that hour we will have to say “good-bye” to all earthly goods. These penitential acts are a reminder that we are a people in exile; that this earth is not our abiding home.

It also trains the will to do acts of love for others. After all, is it not the case that the substance of love is sacrifice? Without sacrifice or without self-denial, love is impossible. Make little sacrifices throughout the day and say to Jesus: “I offer this up to you in gratitude for what you did for me on the Cross. May this sacrifice be a pleasing aroma to you and may it lead others to you.”

3. Better than you: People may mistake this tip as a form of self-loathing, but it is far from the case. As Fulton Sheen said, try to see the best in others and the worst in yourself. To foster this mindset it is important to daily examine ourselves; that is, to examine where we sinned and fell short throughout the day. Our Lord wants us to become small in our own estimation so that he can become big in our hearts and minds. Anyone who thinks too much of himself will hardly be a servant to others or even to God.

4. Bite your tongue: Do not lose your peace when others criticize you, especially when the criticism comes from those who are closest to you. St. Francis of Assisi said that to remain silent while you’re being criticized is worth more to God than ten days of fasting. There are plenty of people who are self-proclaimed sinners, but as soon as someone confirms it- that is, points out their faults –they become indignant and even irate. When loved ones remind us that we are imperfect, it is a service to our humility. And it occasions a step forward in holiness. Oh! I forgot to mention: It goes a long way in improving one's marriage.

5. Accept all things: Many fail to see long-term gains through short-term sacrifices; especially narcissistic people. Christianity renewed a dying pagan civilization precisely because it saw the value in suffering. The reason for this epiphany- which was wholly unique to Christianity –was that Christians worshipped crucified God. Furthermore, throughout his life, it was he who glorified poverty, chastity, martyrdom, the infirmed, the persecuted, and the outcasts of society. In other words, he taught us to see glory in lowliness and adversity.

To do the right thing, therefore, requires that we see beyond immediate pain and setbacks. In Scripture, it is illustrated over and over again that God uses setbacks, failure and even death to achieve his purpose. Our criterion for success is not the same of God’s. With this in mind, we can better accept all things as coming from his hand. Each day- with all of its favorable and unfavorable circumstances –contains the content of God’s will for us. We do not have to search for his will; it is given to us every day…in the circumstances of each moment. Many a good Catholic balks at this. Trust me. This is a teaching of the Saints. And it is one that leads to a peace of mind when we are afflicted.

There are more tips in living the moral life. But the five mentioned above- every single one of them –are prescribed by the Saints. They will help us to move well beyond the narcissistic (and the level one and two forms of happiness) tendencies that are becoming more prevalent in today’s society.

The Impact of Pentecost on Morality

Before Christ cast his light upon the earth, the moral standards by which the pagan people lived were appalling. Even in the highly civilized Greco-Roman culture, infanticide was practiced, gladiator games (blood sports) were played to entertain the mob, sacred prostitutes “serviced” worshippers at pagan temples, slavery was an universal institution, the infirmed were left to fend for themselves and women, much like children, were second class citizens. And in other parts of the world, human sacrifice was a highly esteemed religious ritual. In fact, it was practiced in the Promised Land (or the land of Canaan) before the Israelites settled there around the year 1400 B.C. As the book of Wisdom recounts, “they [the Canaanites] celebrate either child-slaying sacrifices or clandestine mysteries, or frenzied carousals in unheard-of rites…” (14:23)

Fast-forward to the twenty-first century and we are beginning to see that a post-Christian world is not faring much better than its counterpart, namely, a pre-Christian world. The most recent Gosnell trials revealed that highly educated and “civilized” men are quite capable of the kind of barbarity that was common in ancient pagan civilization. I can go on and on about other inhumane practices that are becoming more socially acceptable in our nation. One such example that comes to mind is the push for euthanasia in our hospitals or to put it more bluntly, the medical practice of starving people to death. As Hilaire Belloc, a Catholic historian said, “That in the realm of morals one thing stands out, the unquestioned prevalence of cruelty in the unbaptized world. Cruelty will be the chief fruit in the moral field of the Modern Attack [i.e. secular-liberalism]…”

What proved to be ineffective in restoring morality in the ancient world is equally ineffective today. When immorality led to social disorder, the people naturally looked to State legislation for the answer. As for the elites of society, they believed that philosophy or intellectual enlightenment could fix the moral problems of the day. However, both institutions proved to be inadequate. Historically, by the time the State intervened to stem the tide of any social crisis, it was too late. Philosophy fared no better for it too did not provide enough people with adequate incentives for living morally nor did it give strength to live a moral life.

But something happened during the feast of Pentecost in the 33rd year of the first century. Pentecost, as celebrated by the Jews, was observed fifty days after the feast of Passover every year. The original Passover celebrated by Moses, as you may recall, was a meal that inaugurated the exodus out of Egypt. It was the beginning of the Hebrews liberation from slavery under the Pharaoh. However, fifty days later at Mt. Sinai, the Lord God gave his people the Ten Commandments. This juxtaposition of liberation and the giving of God’s law was purposeful. It was meant to convey the truth that real liberation- spiritual and moral liberation –comes through God’s Word (or God’s law). But the divine law was, in Moses’ time, only an image of the Real Thing. In other words, it was only traced out and inscribed stone tablets. However, 1400 years later, when the Holy Spirit descended on Mary and the Apostles, the Real Thing was at last made available to the world. The Real Thing was none other than the Holy Spirit. He is the living, breathing Law of God.

This is the key to living the moral life. This is the key to restoring morality in our society. We will not find it in legislation or the communication of ideas alone, but rather it has everything to do with getting a new heart from God. The reason why the unbaptized world was cruel and why immorality ran rampant, like Belloc said, was because people had stony hearts. About five to six hundred years before Christ, the Lord spoke through the prophet Ezekiel. He said that help was on the way; that the heartless and cruel world would one day receive a new infusion of moral energy. The Lord said,

“I will sprinkle clean water upon you to cleanse you from all your impurities, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. I will give you a new heart and place a new spirit within you, taking from your bodies your stony hearts and giving you natural hearts. I will put my spirit within you and make you live by my statutes, careful to observe my decrees.” (Ezekiel 36:25-27)

It is interesting to note that Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit as the “finger of God.” Man writes with his pen, but God writes with his finger. In reprimanding the Pharisees for their unbelief, our Lord said: “But if it is by the finger of God that I drive out demons, then the kingdom of God has come upon you.” (Luke 11:18) Perhaps, this conjures up an image in the Old Testament when the Ten Commandments were inscribed on stone. It was said that the Lord used his finger to write them: “When the LORD had finished speaking to Moses on Mount Sinai, he gave him the two tablets of the commandments, the stone tablets inscribed by God's own finger.” (Ex. 31:18)  But with the coming of the Holy Spirit, God’s law no longer has to be exterior to the baptized person. Instead, it is written on his heart by God himself.

Perhaps this is why Christ raised the demands of the moral law in the Sermon on the Mount. He said before- under the Old Testament law -it was wrong to commit adultery; but under his law it is wrong to even think about it. He goes on. Before it was said: Thou shall not kill. But now he tells us to not even be angry with others. Before it was said: Whoever divorces his wife must give her a bill of divorce; but under his law divorcing one's wife- when the marriage is lawful -causes her to commit adultery and when one marries a divorced woman commits adultery. Before it was written, love your neighbor and hate your enemy; but in order to be a follower of Christ one must love his enemies and pray for those who persecute them. And then he adds: If anyone should press you into one mile for service, go with him for two miles. Christ sets the high moral standard precisely because he was willing give us the means to fulfill it.

As for the means, it is only by receiving a new spirit and a new heart that we can hope to live- as individuals and as a society –a truly moral life. It is as if the Lord wanted to make our souls into his own home as a precondition for entering his.  In other words, he wants to live with us, in our hearts, so that we can abide with him in heaven. And as he increases in our hearts- day by day –we are being acclimated to our future home. As St. Paul said, "But as it is written, ‘What eye has not seen, and ear has not heard, and what has not entered the human heart, what God has prepared for those who love him,’ this God has revealed to us through the Spirit.” With this hope, we spare no effort in being the best we can possibly be for the Lord.

When all is said and done: State legislation, education or any man-made program can never reproduce what the Holy Spirit has done for the dignity of human life and the common good of society. Nothing can replace him giving each person- young or old -a new spirit and a new heart through the waters of baptism. After all, it is only by receiving a new spirit and a new heart by God that we can dare to live up to high moral standards.

This is how good, just and loving people are made! This is how a good, just and loving society is restored! This is the impact Pentecost had- and hopefully will continue to have -on morality!

Come, O Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of Your faithful, and enkindle in them the fire of Your love.

Send forth Your Spirit, O Lord, and they shall be created.

And You shall renew the face of the earth.

God's Answer to World Revolution: Our Lady of Fatima

Originally posted as three seperate blogs in 2010, this year's version of "God’s Answer to World Revolution: Our Lady of Fatima" is combined into one post with additional subtitles.

"It was a lady dressed all in white more brilliant than the sun, shedding rays of light, clear and stronger than a crystal glass filled with the most sparkling water pierced by the burning rays of the sun."

-Lucia, Oldest seer of Marian apparitions


"Heaven was so pretty…there were many wild ponies."

-Jacinta, Youngest seer of Marian apparitions




A World Turned Away from God:

In 1917, when our Lady paid three children a visit in Fatima, Portugal, she brought eternity with her. Lucia, Jacinta and Francisco were privileged to experience, in a profound way, heaven and hell. The children’s foretaste of heaven and the glimpse of hell has a great deal of historical significance, considering that Western Civilization had already begun to close in on itself. Indeed, modern man had ceased to see his life within the backdrop of eternity. In part, this was due to great technological achievements and its consequent prosperity. Of course, when conditions are comfortable it is harder to see life as a pilgrimage to heaven.


The Encyclical of 1917:

Just one month after Our Lady appeared in Fatima on May 13th, 1917 Pope Benedict XV wrote an encyclical entitled, On the Preaching the Word. In this encyclical he made the following observation: If people honestly considered “the state of public and private morals, the constitutions and laws of nations, we shall find that there is a general disregard and forgetfulness of the supernatural, a gradual falling away from the strict standard of Christian virtue, and that men are slipping back more and more into the shameful practices of paganism.” Indeed, in 1917 there was a lot of soul searching among Christians and Westerners. After all, World War I was still raging and the Russian Revolution was just getting underway.

What led up to this new chapter in world history? For one, Christian civilization had gradually been chipped away over four centuries. The Protestant Reformation in 1517, the French Revolution in 1789, and the revolt of many European States against the Catholic Church, i.e. the annexation of the Papal States (territory belonging to the Holy See) by Italian nationalism, were just a few historic turning points in which the Western world declared its independence from God. This movement away from the Christian religion then culminated in the twentieth-century with World War I, the Russian Revolution, World War II, the Holocaust, and the Sexual Revolution.


Pope to Catholics: Do Examination of Conscience

At the onset of these unfortunate events in the twentieth-century, we find Pope Benedict XV, in so many words, asking Catholics to do an examination of conscience. He proposed the following question to them in his encyclical: “Has the Word of God then ceased to be what it was described by the Apostle, living and effectual and more piercing than any two-edged sword? Has long-continued use blunted the edge of that sword?” He then answers his own question: “If that weapon does not everywhere produce its effect, the blame certainly must be laid on those ministers of the Gospel who do not handle it as they should. For no one can maintain that the Apostles were living in better times than ours, that they found minds more readily disposed towards the Gospel or that they met with less opposition to the law of God.”

Therefore, with regard to the ever increasing movement of mankind away from God and the world revolutions which followed, the blame- at least in part -must be attributed to the dereliction of Catholics. What were twentieth-century Catholics lacking as compared to their spiritual ancestors of the early Church? Why did they not, up to this point, enjoy the same success of converting the world to Christ like the early Fathers of the Church? This is where Our Lady of Fatima comes in. Her appearance to three Portuguese children in Fatima gives a profound and yet subtle answer to these questions.


Revolution of 1910: Years Leading Up to Apparitions

In 1910, Portugal had undergone its own revolution which resulted in the persecution of the Catholic Church. Churches, convents and monasteries were shut down; priests and the religious were arrested. The following year, the persecutions came to a peak with the law of Separation of Church and State. The author of these anti-religious laws, Alfonso Costa, said: "Thanks to this law of separation, in two generations Catholicism will be completely eliminated in Portugal." By 1917 the Portuguese people were well acquainted with a government unfriendly to religious freedom. It was within this local milieu, not unrelated to the international crisis -that Our Lady of Fatima appeared to the three Portuguese children.


Fatima Message: Atheism and Materialism:

In visiting Lucia, Jacinta and Francisco, the Mother of God impressed upon these three souls that the world was closing itself off to eternity! The message that the Blessed Virgin had come to deliver was one which linked the breakdown of faith and prayer with the two World Wars, the spread of Communism and the afflictions the popes would have to endure. Indeed, the widespread failure of people to aspire towards heaven as their permanent home, the most noble incentive to live a holy life, gave rise to wars, genocides and dictatorships of the twentieth century. In a word, without the daily meditation and the anticipation of eternity, the proper perspective of life is lost and the material things of this world become the reality people live for. Pope Pius XI would go on to say five years after the apparitions that "...worldly possessions can never satisfy all in equal manner nor give rise to a spirit of universal contentment, but must become perforce a source of division among men and of vexation of spirit."


The Letter of Lucia:

It is important to keep in mind that the decline of prayer and neglecting "to seek what is above" would later be the plague of religious orders. Indeed, spiritual apathy would not only be a problem exclusively attributed to the world, but it also found its way in the Church. Lucia would later write a letter to her nephew, Fr. Valinhoin in 1971. In the letter she said, "I am convinced that the principal cause of evil in the world, and the falling away of so many consecrated souls, is the lack of union with God." "It is indeed sad," she continued, "that so many are allowing themselves to be dominated by the diabolical wave that is sweeping the world, and they are so blind that they cannot see their error. But their principal error is that they have abandoned prayer."

Lack of prayer enfeebles the soul and weakens life's foundation. As such, when the cultural revolution of the 1960's rocked the Catholic Church, the vocation of many priests and consecrated men and women in religious orders simply collapsed.


More Important Than the Sun:

Our Lady of Fatima, in her series of six apparitions from May 13th through October 13th of 1917, spoke to this plight the world found itself in. To be sure, in profound and yet subtle ways, she used the three poor children of Fatima to teach a world-gone-wrong that life takes on the greatest value when seen in light of eternity.

When considering the series of events at Fatima, there can be a temptation to focus on October 13th, the day 75,000 plus people witnessed the sun spin and dance. There is a lot to be said for that supernatural phenomenon. However, what is even more worthy of our attention, and more relevant to Catholics in the twenty-first century, is what happened to the souls of Lucia, Jacinta and Francisco during that six month period.

The spiritual direction Our Lady of Fatima gave to Lucia, Jacinta and Francisco and the affect it had on their souls speaks to the heart of the Gospel. It also explains why the Church of the early centuries were able to set the world a blaze and why today's world had grown cold to God. Indeed, just when Pope Benedict XV was asking his questions about why the world had fallen away from the Catholic Faith, Our Lady was answering them.

If Catholics of this century can take in and grasp what the Mother of Jesus Christ communicated to three children in the last century, then the Church can have the life-giving influence she once enjoyed over civilizations.


Heaven Accompanies the Blessed Virgin:

Lucia, Jacinta and Francisco, the three young seers of the Marian apparitions at Fatima in 1917, were introduced to the very depths of Christianity and to the heart of the Gospel. The Mother of God, who spent countless hours on earth in conversation with her divine Son, and who continues to commune with her Son in eternity, formed these three young souls with the most favorable spiritual direction any Christian could receive. The love of God and the expectancy of heaven was so deeply impressed upon their souls that all three children lost their natural fear of death.

In coming in contact with the Blessed Virgin, the children encountered the very presence of God in a profound way. And during their experience of the Divine Presence, they were able to see themselves in a new light. Lucia, the oldest of the children, reported that in one appearance the Lady opened her hands and shed upon the children a highly intense light. “This light penetrated us to the heart and its very recesses, and allowed us to see ourselves in God, Who was that light, more clearly than we see ourselves in a mirror…” Just as Mary mediated the Holy Spirit to her pregnant cousin Elizabeth upon her greeting at Zacharias’ house, in Fatima, she similarly mediated the presence of God, as in a ray of light, through her hands. Lucia would go on to describe, as best she could, the utter beauty of this Visitor from heaven: “It was a lady dressed all in white more brilliant than the sun, shedding rays of light, clear and stronger than a crystal glass filled with the most sparkling water pierced by the burning rays of the sun.”

It is important to note that with our Lady’s appearance, the three children experienced heaven. Jacinta, the youngest of the three, excitedly told her parents, “Heaven was so pretty…there were many wild ponies.” Lucia would later say that “before the Divine Presence we felt exaltation and joy.” It is under reported, to be sure, that after each visit with the Madonna they were supremely happy. This explains why Lucia asked Mary to take them to heaven; not later, but immediately. It also explains why, for them, a short life on earth was a blessing. Their detachment from earthly things was complete. Their thoughts were no longer preoccupied with what was below but instead they sought what was above. No sacrifice was too much, no suffering too unbearable, knowing that heaven awaited them.


Sacrifice, Reparation and Death in a New Light:

In 1916, an Angel of Lord appeared to the three children to prepare them for what would ensue the following year. He asked them to “Offer up everything within your power as a sacrifice to the Lord in an act of reparation for the sins by which he is offended; and of the supplication for the conversion of sinners…Above all, accept and bear with submission the sufferings that the Lord may send you.” The Blessed Virgin repeated this request several months later when she asked, “Do you want to offer yourselves to God to endure all the sufferings that he may choose to send you, as an act of reparation for the sins by which he is offended and as a supplication for the conversion of sinners?” Lucia answered for the other two by saying, “Yes, we want to.” After which, Our Lady said, “Then you are going to suffer a great deal but the grace of God will be your comfort.” Soon after, in the month of July in 1917, Our Lady of Fatima showed them the fires of hell where countless souls descend. According to Lucia, demons and reprobate souls were engulfed in the torment of despair. They were deeply moved by this vision; it gave them a fresh determination to offer themselves as a living sacrifice to the Lord.

The three children would have to bear a heavy cross in the months that followed. Francisco and Jacinta, just two to three years after the apparitions, died at a young age. Poor little Jacinta even died alone in the hospital; this, she did for the conversion of sinners. Indeed, the heavenly-mindedness of all three children and their memory of hell inspired a great love for people and their willingness to suffer for them. They valued inconveniences, sufferings and contradictions as opportunities to make reparation for sinners. As St. Peter wrote, “whoever suffers in the flesh has broken with sin” and then adding, “love covers a multitude of sins.” (I Peter 4:1,8) Their early death, as sad it was for loved ones and unfortunate as it appeared to the world, speaks volumes about what God wants us to know about this life and the life to come. Indeed, the passing nature of this earthly life of ours and the enduring reality of heaven and hell is at the heart of the Fatima message.

Our Lady's message to Lucia, Jacinta and Francisco was God's answer to the question Pope Benedict XV asked in 1917 regarding the effectiveness of Catholic witness. To be sure, the eager anticipation of heaven, making reparation for sinners and seeking the Blessed Virgin's spiritual guidance is God's answer to the "diabolical wave" (as Sr.Lucia would write in 1971) of world revolution, atheism and war.

The Cure of Mass Attendance Decline

Administrators and Shepherds:

In the 1950’s, on his Emmy Award winning, Life is Worth Living, Bishop Fulton Sheen warned believers- but especially Catholics –that during times of prosperity church leaders are apt to become administrators who sit behind desks. The emphasis is more on the office than it is on the mission field. However, during times of adversity, church leaders are more likely to be out there in the mission fields as shepherds with the people. And as for the laity, when talking about the Sacrament of Confirmation in a different address, Bishop Sheen reminded his listeners of the following:

“The laity will have to come to a comprehension that our blessed Lord was not crucified in a cathedral between two candles but in the world, on a road way, in a town garbage heap…He place Himself at the very center of the world, in the midst of smut, thieves, soldiers and gamblers.”

Followers of Christ are once again returning to a time of adversity. Prosperity has softened us up and turned us into administrators rather than shepherds and missionaries. We Catholics are beginning to realize that what we have been doing- or not doing –in the last fifty years has not been working. Case and point:


Mass Attendance Decline:

In a local Catholic diocesan newspaper, The Compass, it was reported that Mass attendance has dropped annually about 3 percent; and for the last 10 years, 21 percent. The total number of parishes in the Diocese of Green Bay that has shown signs of growth in recent years is 24. But the sum total of parishes that have decreased is 133.

However, the Church on a national level is no less promising. In her book, Forming Intentional Disciples, Sherry A. Weddell reported that there are four times as many people leaving the Catholic Church than entering it. From 2000 to 2009, the rate of adults entering the Church dropped 35 percent. If unchecked, the projected results are sobering. She said,

“If this trend does not change, in ten years it will cease to matter that we have a priest shortage. The Builders will be largely gone, the Boomers retiring, and our institutions- parish and schools –will be emptying at an incredible rate. Sacramental practice will plummet at a rate that will make the post-Vatican II era look good, and the Church’s financial support will vanish like Bernie Madoff’s investment portfolio.”

Nearly a hundred years ago, just when it was becoming clear that Christian civilization was becoming a thing of the past, Pope Benedict XV wrote: “By God's good pleasure, things are preserved through the same causes by which they were brought into being…” In other words, the causes which brought into being a Church capable of producing numberless converts and Christians institutions, are the very causes that will duplicate the same results.


The Cure of Ars:

I recently gave a presentation on an encyclical by Pope John XXIII, written in 1959. The encyclical was on St. John Vianney, also known as the Cure' of Ars. He was a priest who lived from 1786 to 1859 in France. He embodied the principles that made the Catholic Church so attractive in the first thousand years.

As stated in previous articles, during the first millennium of Christianity, over 70 percent of the popes were canonized Saints. This translated into great bishops, priests and lay people. But among the popes in the second millennium, roughly 6 percent were honored as Saints. If we were to ask the reason behind this differential, we would do well to consider why St. John Vianney attracted tens of thousands of souls to his parish Ars, France. Indeed, he spent about a third of his priesthood in the confessional.

However, before people travelled from distant lands to consult him, the holy priest prepared for them. He spent the first ten years of his priesthood- from 1818 to 1827 –begging God, in prayer and fasting, for the conversion of sinners. That’s right. Those first ten years were quiet and uneventful. But he took advantage of that time to intercede on behalf of his parishioners and those souls that would soon come to see him. And even after they came, he never neglected his times for prayer.


The Discipline of Prayer:

St. John Vianney used to say, "A priest must be especially devoted to constant prayer" and "How many people we can call back to God by our prayers!" For him, the emphasis was on the sanctuary or spending time before the tabernacle; not so much on the office or on meetings. He took for granted that prayer was the holiest of works. Far from being idle, to pray is to act on the First Cause of conversion. Just as prayer is a conversation with God, conversion is the work of God. The former gives fuel to the latter. Every ounce of supernatural life has to be drawn from him. Indeed, Christ is the life-principle of our work.

How many of us, who sincerely want to do good work for the Lord, spend more time in the office than in the sanctuary? Or it may be that we are so busy with external works, we neglect our own spiritual needs. But like the early Church Fathers who put prayer as their first priority, St. John Vianney never neglected his own spiritual needs because he was too busy serving others. Pope John XXIII warned the clergy in 1959 about the preoccupation with external works: “Priests in Our own day, are likely to attribute too much to the effectiveness of external activity and stand ready and eager to immerse themselves in the hustle and bustle of the ministry, to their own spiritual detriment!”

Too many of us who set out to do the work of the Lord would dare not miss a meeting, a conference or a pledge drive, but we let prayer slip away from us too easily (To be sure, I am a work in progress in this regard). We forget that it is not what we do or say that is the most important thing. Rather, it is what God does with what we do or say that makes the difference. Christ said, “Without me you can do nothing.” And Psalm 127 says, “Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.”

The question then becomes: Are we building in vain? Are we, like the early Christians and St. John Vianney, giving prayer its due? For them, designated times of prayer throughout the day were of the highest priority; more important than any administrative duty. It is what attracted souls to Christ. As Pope Pius XII said in reference to St. John Vianney, “A man who is filled with Christ will not find it hard to discover ways and means of bringing others to Christ."


The Way Back Home:

The way ancient pagan civilization was saved, with all of its cruelty and barbarity, is the same way our post-Christian civilization will be saved. After the martyrs did their part by sanctifying the European and Mediterranean soil with their blood, the monastics (i.e. religious monks and nuns) built upon that foundation through the habit of prayer and penance. They gave us the template of spiritual and evangelistic success.

The early Christians- the ones who called down God's grace for so many conversions -were not half as administrative as we are, but they got things done! As Sister Lucia, a Fatima seer, once wrote: We receive more light, more strength, more grace and virtue than you could ever achieve by reading many books, or by great studies. She then added that with a real commitment to prayer we will accomplish a lot in a short period of time.

As for St. John Vianney, he did daily meditations, he visited the Blessed Sacrament, he recited the Rosary, and carefully examined his conscience. But like the early Christians, he did more. He offered spiritual sacrifices for sinners. With St. Paul, he exhorted his parishioners to do the following: “I urge you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship.”  St. John Vianney also used to say, "The works of penance abound in such delights and joys that once they have been tasted, nothing will ever again root them out of the soul.... Only the first steps are difficult for those who eagerly choose this path."

The Cure' of Ars knew that making spiritual sacrifices on behalf of others was essential. One day, a priest had inquired as to why tens of thousands of pilgrims visited Ars, France; this, just to see the holy priest. In response, St. John Vianney reminded him: “You have preached, you have prayed, but have you fasted? Have you taken the discipline? Have you slept on the floor? So long as you have done none of these things, you have no right to complain.”

Keep in mind that the Catholic parish in Ars was not well attended at all for the first ten years after St. John Vianney arrived. But eventually, what he did to increase Mass attendance worked! It is a recipe for success. In fact, about one hundred years later, the "cure" to low Mass attendance was once again confirmed. As Jesus reminded St. Faustina, “You will save more souls through prayer and suffering than will a missionary through his teachings and sermons alone.”


The Heart of the Matter:

Assisting at Mass presupposes an active, living relationship with Christ. Without talking to Jesus on a daily basis, without learning more about Jesus through the reading of Scripture on a daily basis and without doing one's best to observe his precepts on a daily basis, the Mass is just another ritual. It's hardly worth getting up for on Sunday mornings. You see, just as a family meal in the home presupposes a pre-existing relationship among family members, so too does the Sacred Meal at the altar presuppose a communion with Christ and his Church.  But to ignite the flame of faith- to stoke the fire of love for our Lord in the hearts of people -it is absolutely essential "workers in the vineyard" revisit what has proven to work in the past. Not only did St. John Vianney and the early Christians point out the cure to spiritual apathy, the applied it! And, as history reveals, the results were impressive.

The Class of 33 A.D.

Preface: "The Class of 33 A.D." is a repost for new Sky View readers. In October of 2012, it was originally entitled, "The Greatest Class."

On May 1st the Catholic Church celebrates two of the greatest graduates from this class- Mary, the Mother of God and St. Joseph. I say that Mary, Joseph and all Saints are of the class of 33 A.D. because it was then that the death, resurrection, and ascension of our Lord made it possible to belong to this class...the greatest class.


So Different: Yet the Same

The Saints of the Catholic Church are a diverse class of people who lived in different eras and are from different cultures. They are composed of men, women and children who possessed a wide variety of personalities; some were extraverted while others were introverted; some were known as being humorous and yet others were serious. Their stations in life ranged from that of royalty to peasantry; from the heights of the papacy to the disgrace of the excommunicated; from the rich to the very poor; from the intellectually gifted to those who suffered from learning disabilities; and from those who lived a long life to those who were called to martyrdom at a young age.

Yet, given this diverse array of personality traits, status and background, they were still of the same mind and heart. After all, they all shared one thing in common with Jesus Christ: the Holy Spirit. It was this same Spirit that breathed into each Saint a real ambition for God’s honor, a strong desire for heaven, and a similar, if not, the same disposition towards virtue and vice. Remarkably, they were all uncompromising on the essentials- the things that really mattered -and indifferent towards the trivial and marginal circumstances of the day.


Falling in Love:

Chief among their virtues was that they not only loved Jesus Christ, but as Spouses of the Bridegroom, they were “in-love with him.” They truly courted him in solitude, prayer and meditation as often as they could. And among their favorite meditations was the Passion of Christ. For them, our Lord’s sacrifice on the Cross was the very essence of divine love. But they also understood that the fullness of Christ was to be found in life of the Church. This is why they drew close to the Mass and to the Sacraments where the life of God within their souls was daily nourished and built-up.


God is Everywhere:

To frequently experience Christ within the sanctuary of the Church is to better discern his presence in the world. The Saints were constantly aware of the presence of God, no matter where they were. For instance, St. John Bosco (1815-1888), a priest who cared for orphans, one day came across three of his boys who were playing soccer. He asked them, “If you were told that you had three weeks to live, what would you do?” The first boy said, “I would immediately go to the chapel so I could prepare for my death.” The second boy echoed the same sentiments. But the third boy said, “I would continue playing soccer.” That third boy happened to be St. Dominic Savio who died not too long after that discussion. What St. Dominic saw that the other boys failed to see is that playing soccer was very much consistent with their salvation. It wasn’t that St. Dominic downplayed spending time in the sanctuary. In fact, he frequently attended Mass and also spent quite a bit of time before the Blessed Sacrament. Rather, he offered everything he did, including recreational activities, to God. As such, his path to heaven ran right through the soccer field.


Unconventional Wisdom:

Just as the Saints saw the presence of God in all places, they likewise saw each human being as they really were. Social status, class status or political status meant nothing to them. If the Saints were willing to reach out to outcasts and sinners- those of whom society tended to ignore or disdain -they were equally willing to rebuke powerful rulers and highly esteemed celebrities if circumstances required it. St. Padre Pio, who had founded a hospital for the sick and suffering, was also known to chase out unrepentant sinners from his confessionals. St. Ambrose, bishop of Milan, inspired St. Augustine’s conversion with his sermons but he refused to allow the Roman Emperor Theodosius II, who had killed 6,000 Thessalonians in an uprising, to enter his cathedral.

These great men and women did not succumb to “group-think” habits and conventional wisdom of their times. If the good of the soul was being compromised, they could be outspoken and mercilessly rude. Neither kindness nor severity- neither turning a cheek nor opposing an offender- neither silence nor making a scene was off limits for them. When the interests of God were stake, they were uncompromising. Even if the Devil himself would appear to them, they would hardly flinch because knew that He who was within their souls was the stronger of the two.


Beside Themselves:

The Saints did not take themselves seriously at all. With a cheerful abandon, they did little to hide their own faults. When they could, they agreed with their critics and laughed with those who ridiculed them. In the mid-nineteenth century there were some elitist priests in France who were determined to have St. John Vianney ousted from the priesthood because of his learning disabilities. They got a petition going and it eventually made its way to Ars, where the saintly priest was stationed. What did St. John do when it was presented to him? He asked if he could sign it.

The law of holiness is that the holier a person is, the more he or she realizes that they are a sinner. When the bright light of God is allowed to shine in the soul, imperfections show themselves. With this, the sinner sees himself as he really is: nothing before God’s holiness. For instance, upon having a vision of the Lord of Hosts, the prophet Isaiah said, “Woe is me.” Centuries later Christ told his Apostles, “Without Me, you can do nothing.” Indeed, the Saints took his words quite literally. They were perfectly content knowing that they were the source of their own sins and shortcomings. Yet, whenever the Saints were commended for their exceptional virtues, they immediately gave the credit to God. Such humility gave them a levity that few people enjoyed.


Outsiders and Foreigners:

Many Saints knew what it meant to be outsiders, marginalized by the world. As with our Lord, not a few of them were even rejected by their own. St. Patrick was criticized by his brother bishops for preaching throughout Ireland. St. Joan of Arc was falsely accused and put to death by the Church officials of her day. St. Mary MacKillop, an Australian nun, was excommunicated by her own archbishop. And St. Alphonsus was kicked out of the Redemptorist order he had founded. In fact, he once said, “The saints have not been made saints by applause and honor, but by injuries and insults.”

Knowing what it means to be an outcast- and at least in some sense, foreigners to this world -every single canonized Saint loved the poor and the needy. They felt as though they were one with them. Because of their own crosses, they learned to be at home with suffering humanity; that is, in mental institutions, prisons, orphanages, soup kitchens, the slums and in nursing homes. And although salvation and the needs of the soul took priority over the needs of the body, they never exclusively focused on one ministry at the expense of the other. Each individual, no matter how seemingly insignificant, was given special attention. Many said that when they spoke with Blessed Mother Theresa, she would zero in on them as if they were the only one in the room; the same with Venerable Fulton Sheen. One day Bishop Sheen was visiting the church of his childhood years in Peoria. He was surrounded by the press, the clergy and many attendees outside of St. Mary’s. And in the distance, he noticed a woman who looked distressed. Her appearance suggested to him that she needed a friend to talk to. The good bishop excused himself, approached the lady and asked her to follow him. Apart from the crowd, she revealed to Bishop Sheen that she was in a “bad place” in her life. She confessed her sins to him, and then he resumed with the festivities.


To Accept All Things:

Arguably, one of their most remarkable virtues among the Saints was that they accepted everything as coming from the hand of God. St. Paul once said, “I know indeed how to live in humble circumstances; I know also how to live with abundance. In every circumstance and in all things I have learned the secret of being well fed and of going hungry, of living in abundance and of being in need.” (Philippians 4:12) The Apostle understood that Christ joined humanity in its suffering by dying on the Cross. But he did this not to spare people from suffering. Rather, he did it so that people could suffer in union with him. Through this mystical union, every Christian could be assured that their suffering had meaning and redemptive value. God told St. Catherine of Sienna that his servants accept all things with equal reverence. Perhaps, this is why complaints rarely escaped the lips of the Saints. In setbacks, persecution and hardship, the loving hand of God was discerned. With the prophet Job they would say, “Blessed be the name of the Lord.”


The Greatest Saint: A Saint-maker

The greatest class of people the world has ever known, without a doubt, are the Saints of God. Yet among these exceptional disciples of Christ, one stands out above rest- the Blessed Virgin Mary. As St. Louis de Montfort said, God was glorified more by the 30 years Jesus spent with his mother in Nazareth than if he had preached the Gospel to the world at a young age. Indeed, before the Lord entered into public life, his private life was shaped and influenced by his Mother. What she did for Jesus she does for every Saint.

Just a few things are necessary in order to become a Saint: First, we have to believe it is possible. Second, we have to will it! Third, the life of Christ does not end with the last chapter of the Gospel of John. The life of Christ continues in the lives of the Saints. As such, studying the life of Christ in the Saints will go a long way in spurring us on to the goal.

You might be surprised to learn that when these holy men and women sought to glorify God first and foremost, great things were achieved. It was from this quest that Christian civilization- the only free civilization to ever have existed -was brought into being. And it was from this holy ambition that the Catholic Church was renewed in times of languor. These are just a few of the blessed but unintended consequences that resulted from "seeking first the kingdom of God and his righteousness." To be sure, countless people- Christians and non-Christians alike -benefited from the holiness of the Saints. And if we carefully look at annals of history, we will see that Our Lord kept his promise when said that "all these things will be given you besides." When his interests were the number one priority of Christians, blessings abounded.

Sacred Space and Multipurpose Rooms

Have you noticed that many of our Catholic sanctuaries are being transformed into multipurpose rooms? Today we have projector screens being installed, plays and musicals being performed, and all sorts of mundane activity occurring in places of worship. As our Catholic churches have given more importance to expedience and utility over preserving the sacredness of the sanctuary, people have acted accordingly. They have taken our cue. People are now talking before and after Mass, chewing gum and texting. These are the unintended consequences of having our cake and eating it too.

The sense that the Holy Eucharist deserves even more reverence and awe than Moses’ burning bush has, regrettably, become foreign to many people in the pew. And if they do not give our Eucharistic Lord the solemnity he deserves then I can’t say I blame them. After all, do we not send them mixed signals when we have concerts, show movies and present documentaries in the very same place where the Holy Sacrifice just took place?

The average person does not make the same distinctions that a Catholic who works on behalf of the local parish will make. Those who are active participants in their church know liturgical etiquette. They know that even though a play is being performed in front of the altar or a movie is being projected onto a big screen just above the lectern, it does not give them the license to engage in other mundane activities such as chewing gum. But again, the average person is apt not to make these distinctions. They do not see the same nuances that a well formed Catholic will take note of.

Consecrated places such as the sanctuary in any given church are vitally important for our faith journey. In fact, the mystique of churches should serve as a reminder and foretaste of heaven. Beauty, silence and wonder used to pervade the atmosphere of most, if not all, sanctuaries. Even in rural or inner-city churches, one could not help but sense the God’s presence upon entering.

A return to preserving the otherworldliness of sacred space is in our best interest. Why? Because not only will it remind us of heaven, but it will better prepare us for when the whole universe will be consecrated upon our Lord’s Second Coming. Indeed, earth itself will someday be sacred space. Perhaps this is why transforming consecrated and sacred spaces into multipurpose venues is not such a good idea.

A New Form of Dating

The entertainment industry does exceptionally well in highlighting the advantages and thrills of falling in love. What it doesn’t do so well is to give people clues as to how to stay in love. This shouldn’t surprise us because falling in love is a lot of fun and it doesn’t take a lot of work. But this one-sided emphasis on the hormonal and emotional phase of love- while overlooking the sacrifices and graces necessary to sustain a relationship -is a recipe for disaster; both for couples and society at large. Perhaps, this is why more people in recent years are giving up on marriage altogether.

Anne-Marie Ambert, in her article “Cohabitation and Marriage: How are they related?” reviewed several Canadian and American studies on cohabitation and marriage rates. She wrote, “While cohabitation rates have shot up in the past decade or so, marriage rates have come down substantially.” “More recent trends,” she continues, “indicate that perhaps a higher proportion of cohabitors than in the past simply drift into cohabitation because it is more convenient than dating. That is, it makes it easier to be with each other sexually than when living separately.” Surprisingly, cohabitation is not only becoming an attractive alternative to marriage, but it is slowly becoming a form of dating.

 This shouldn’t surprise us because Hollywood and public education- two very powerful forces in America –do not hold up, for imitation, those virtues and beliefs that make for a lifelong marriage. Yet, it is undeniably true that people who are married and are in it for the long haul, are much happier than cohabitators who transition from partner to partner. The latter party is like a bird in flight without a nest. They accumulate many falling-in-love experiences, but they never reach the purpose for which the phenomenon of falling-in-love exists. For many, the falling-in-love experience and the sexual thrills that accompany it, exists for its own sake. That is why they feel the need to reproduce as many of these experiences as possible. But this is nothing new.

In the first century, the Samaritan woman at the well was a cohabitator. St. Paul, too, spoke about those restless souls who never settle down in marriage. He even cautioned St. Timothy about narcissists and lovers of the flesh and explained that in the latter days women will be especially vulnerable to the sexual exploits of men. Specifically, he said, “For some of these slip into homes and make captives of women weighed down by sins, led by various desires, always trying to learn but never able to reach a knowledge of the truth.” (II Timothy 3:6-7) The truth about what, you might ask: the truth about how relationships and sexuality can build us up or tear us down.

Cohabitation plays right into the Hollywood narrative that the only thing worth pursuing is the experience or the falling-in-love process, not the person. It fosters an entitlement mentality because, by its very nature, shacking-up seeks to obtain the perks or the fruits of marriage (i.e. living together and sex) without the labor. Not too long ago, the man was expected to court the woman; to earn her affection and self-disclosure. He was to “put in his time” before she rewarded him with herself. And it wasn’t until he made a public and sacred commitment to her before God and the community that he would enjoy her intimacy.

However, with cohabitation, no such chivalry is warranted. In fact, earning the love of the beloved is discouraged. It is like saying the wage-earner no longer has to earn his wages; or the med student being permitted to practice medicine before he graduates from med school; or it is like an NFL franchise conducting try-outs for their football team after the season is over. To put it simply, cohabitation turns the natural order of love and marriage on its head.

What is more, just when a man and a woman ought to be discerning if they are compatible with one another, they cloud their own judgment by strengthening their sexual ties. In order to detect red flags or problem spots in the relationship there has to be a sense of detachment and objectivity. It just so happens that sexual purity occasions the needed clarity and objectivity. As such, the prospective spouse is much more likely to be seen for what he or she really is. It is for this reason that sexual purity or chastity better serves the purpose of dating than does cohabitation.

Dawson: Predicting the future of marriage

Question: How did they know? How can Catholic historians predict future trends with such accuracy? Alexis de Tocqueville predicted that America would be subjected to a kind of “soft-despotism” about 140 years before it ever became a reality. Hilaire Belloc predicted the re-emergence of Islam in 1938 when Islam was politically at its all time low. In 1933 Christopher Dawson predicted the lowering of marriage rates when the institution of marriage appeared to be invulnerable:

“As in the decline of the ancient world, the family is steadily losing its form and its social significance, and the State absorbs more and more of the life of its members. The home is no longer a center of social activity; it has become merely a sleeping place for a number of independent wage-earners.

The functions which were formerly fulfilled by the head of the family are now being taken over by the State, which educates the children and takes the responsibility for their maintenance and health. Consequently, the father no longer holds a vital position in the family...

The use of contraceptives has made sexual intercourse independent of parenthood, and the marriage of the future will be confined to those who seek parenthood for its own sake rather than as the natural fulfillment of sexual love. But under these circumstances, who will trouble to marry?

Marriage will lose all attractions for the young and the pleasure-loving and the poor and the ambitious. The energy of youth will be devoted to contraceptive love and only when men and women have become prosperous and middle-aged will they think seriously of settling down to rear a strictly limited family.”

In the ancient world, the family suffered decline for much of the same reasons as it does today. It begs the question, therefore, how did the Catholic Church restore marriage and the family? Answer: Preaching sexual purity and pastorally enforcing that sexual sin is wholly incompatible with the life of Christ. This had a great effect on the family. It bound the father to his wife and children; this, through fidelity and sacrificial love. Hence, with strong families there were fewer social ills; and fewer social ills meant that the intervention of the State in private affairs was less necessary.

If society was to benefit from the healing ointment of sexual purity, Catholics would have to be the first to live it. And that, they did! But in order for this ointment to have its full effect, repenting from sexual sin could not be an option in the early Church. And indeed, it wasn't. Furthermore, if we are to enjoy similar results as the early Church, we must put into effect similar practices. I would go so far as to say that without insisting on repentance from sexual sin as a condition of being a Catholic in good standing, it will be impossible to restore the institutions of marriage and the family.

Again, we return to the question: How did these reputable Catholic historians predict future trends? Answer: With sound theological principles to guide them, they paid close attention to the lessons of history. From this, they better understood human nature and how it would react under certain conditions.

Therefore- and here is the point -if we want to restore marriage, the family, society and even the Church, we should pay close attention to what these historians said. In particular, we should heed Dawson's warning about contraceptive love and what it does to the incentive of getting married among the younger generations.

One thing for sure: If Catholics in the pew hear nothing from their spiritual fathers about sexual purity and the joys of being open to life, then that healing ointment that was once used to restore marriage and the family in the ancient world can never take full effect in our day.

Shacking-up breaks-up

Reposting for new Sky View readers:

An Irresistible Opportunity:

About fifteen years ago, I used to teach Christian morality at an all-boys Catholic high school in the Chicago area. As is the case now days, many of the students were more influenced by worldly standards than they were of Gospel values. As such, they were convinced by conventional thinking that “shacking-up” with a girl friend or prospective wife would be a good method of determining whether or not a life-long marriage would work out. With that said, I challenged them with an unprecedented and irresistible opportunity: I told them if they could find a study which supported their opinion that living together with a girl friend lends itself to a longer marriage that they would receive so much extra credit that they would not have to another homework assignment for the rest of the year. As soon as my students heard my proposal, there were shouts of “all right!” In no uncertain terms did they express their confidence that the extra credit was theirs for the taking.

Two or three weeks later, one by one, my students approached me in private. They asked, “Mr. Tremblay, could I still have the extra credit if I show that cohabitation increases the chances for divorce.” I did give them some extra credit on the condition that they (especially the most vocal of my opponents) get up in front of the class and present their findings.


A Few Statistics:

It is said, “Living together is not a trial of marriage, but rather a training for divorce.” Here are some statistics from the book, Marriage Savers. They can be verified in just about any study on how cohabitation adversely affects the longevity of marriage:

• More than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce.

• Couples who do marry after living together are 50% more likely to divorce than those who did not.

• The number of unmarried couples living together soared 12-fold from 430,000 in 1960 to 5.4 million in 2005.

As to this latter point, the data from the U.S. Census Bureau's 2009 American Community Survey and 2010 Current Population Survey confirmed that marriage is going out of style. This is what they found:

• Between 2000 and 2009, the share of young adults ages 25 to 34 who are married dropped 10 percentage points, from 55 percent to 45 percent.

• Among the total population ages 18 and older, the proportion married dropped from 57 percent in 2000 to 52 percent in 2009.


Trying Them Out:

Supporters of cohabitation reason that a lifelong mate needs to be “tried out.” You know, kind of like a product. Before you buy shoes, you try them on. Before you buy a car, you take it for a test drive. And before you get married, you live together with the prospective spouse without any commitment, see what his or her habits are and, most important, you find out whether or not your partner is “sexually compatible” with you.

However, there is a problem with that reasoning. Human beings are not products. To "try them out" assumes that if the couple’s sex life is good then the relationship too will be good. This cannot be further from the truth. The enjoyment of sex can be experienced between virtual strangers or even between two people who are in no way compatible with one another. Sexual partners are always replaceable; at least as far as a worldly man is concerned. A woman’s appeal, based on mere looks, is never enough incentive for a man to stay committed to the relationship. There can always be another woman that comes along who has an appealing body or a pretty face. Just as important, a man’s attraction to a woman can go just as quickly as it came. All his female partner has to do is become an annoyance, an embarrassment or a burden to him and presto! the magic she once worked on him is gone. Beauty is not only skin deep, with the wrong person it can be like a vapor: here one second, gone the next.


The Bedroom:

What couples also fail to consider- but especially men –is that the bedroom is only one room in the house. A good deal of one’s marriage will be in the kitchen, living room, family room, dining room and yes, sometimes the bathroom. As such, the bedroom is hardly a good laboratory for evaluating the compatibility of one’s relationship. In fact, I would argue that activity in the bedroom before marriage is a significant distraction. After all, the sexual intimacy that is shared- be it real or superficial –can be mistaken for the kind of intimacy needed for a permanent commitment in marriage. And when red flags go up, this part of the relationship can blind a person’s objectivity. Indeed, they may not see each other as they really are because of their attachment to that one aspect of the relationship.

Consider this passage from St. Paul’s letter to St. Timothy. In it he refers to men who sexually exploit women. And from all that I have learned from couples who cohabitate, women are the least happy with this arrangement because it lacks the commitment which would normally make her feel secure in her partner's love. This is what the Apostle wrote:

“For some of these slip into homes and make captives of women weighed down by sins, led by various desires, always trying to learn but never able to reach a knowledge of the truth.” (II Timothy 3: 6-7)

"Always trying to learn but never able to reach the knowledge of the truth." I find this passage very interesting because it speaks to inability of people nowdays to see problem spots in relationships before the big wedding day. I also find it interesting because with the increase of cohabitation comes with it a decrease in understanding...understanding of what real love is.

Never have I heard a couple who was truly in love and compatible with one another come to find out that the sex was not good. So many people have it backwards. A good sex life, by itself, never produces a good and enduring relationship. But a good and loving relationship, based on shared values and commitments, always leads to a good sex life.

The thing to remember is that bed partners are dispensable. But personalities are not. No one can replace a man or a woman who loves certain people and certain things; who possesses certain virtues and certain vices; who has certain habits; who has certain expectations; who comes from a certain family; and who has a certain love God. These features of one's personality makes that special person wholly unique. In discerning a prospective husband or wife, therefore, the real determination should be on the basis of personality not sexual performance.


The Most Important Thing:

Christ thought that romantic and sexual love was so important that He elevated its status from a mere institution to a Sacrament. From the sacramental grace of matrimony comes the strength that is needed to fulfill the dream and aspiration of that “forever kind of love” couples experience. It is in the act of “falling in love” that the couples comes in contact with the eternal love that the Lord has to offer. That is why married love requires three: God, man and woman. And out of this holy union comes forth the miracle of new life.

Therefore, the relationship between a man and a woman is not a trivial thing. It can make or break a person’s life, it determines the welfare of society and it impacts the salvation of souls. This is why when a man and a woman who set out to make a life with each other benefits immensely from a wedding ceremony. Vows before God and the community elicit the support that is needed to ensure a lifelong marriage. Indeed, the Church takes them at their word and blesses their moral determination to love one another forever.

This leads to the most important thing: Cohabitation, because it involves sexual activity outside of wedlock, is a sin against God. It offends him and his goodness. Unfortunately, many dioceses and parishes throughout America routinely fall short in teaching this truth. Often, they do not require the repentance and the practice of virtue which are necessary for the subsequent demands of marriage. Nevertheless, Catholics cannot be afraid to mention the word “sin.” To know its reality is to be one step closer to being liberated from it. Without its mention, Jesus Christ as Savior becomes totally unintelligible. But not only is it a sin to live together, it is a mortal sin; one that compromises the salvation of one’s soul. St. Paul reminded the Christians in Corinth of this sobering reality:

“Do you not know that the unjust will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators nor idolaters nor adulterers nor boy prostitutes nor practicing homosexuals…will inherit the kingdom of God.” (I Corinthians 6:9-10)

This needs to be mentioned. Couples need to know about this sin because they need God’s blessing. It is precisely because living together before marriage is a sin before God that it breaks up the holiest of unions.
____________________________________________________________________
*For the Church’s role in marriage and cohabitation trends, please read the post below.

The First Forty Days of Easter

Our Lord’s public ministry was preceded by a forty day period of testing and self-denial. This, as we know, is celebrated annually by the Church with the season of Lent. St. Augustine teaches us that the number forty, in connection with fasting, signifies the whole period of this present life. During these forty days our Lord overcame the temptations of the Devil in the desolate and austere conditions of the wilderness. He experienced firsthand the pangs of hunger and human weakness. But it was through that weakness that he prevailed over evil and infidelity. St. Paul experienced the power of God in the Cross in much of the same way. It was precisely in what the world calls “failure” and “defeat” that the Lord worked his wonders through the Apostle. This is why St. Paul could say: “Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” (II Corinthians 12:10)

The forty days in desert by our Lord and the Church’s Lenten journey with him calls to mind that our life here on earth is not our abiding home. Our home is elsewhere. Pope Leo XIII made this very point just when Western Civilization was on the cusp of technological progress and prosperity. This, he anticipated, would give humanity a false sense of independence from God; a kind of false sense of security. In fact, he cautioned against those who would promise paradise on earth. He said,

“To suffer and to endure, therefore, is the lot of humanity; let them strive as they may, no strength and no artifice will ever succeed in banishing from human life the ills and troubles which beset it. If any there are who pretend differently - who hold out to a hard-pressed people the boon of freedom from pain and trouble, an undisturbed repose, and constant enjoyment - they delude the people and impose upon them, and their lying promises will only one day bring forth evils worse than the present. Nothing is more useful than to look upon the world as it really is, and at the same time to seek elsewhere, as We have said, for the solace to its troubles.”

Christ told his Apostles that our treasure is where our heart is. And if our heart is with Christ in heaven, it is there where the solace of our troubles is to be found. As if to drive this point home, our Lord added forty day period in which we, his followers, are to commemorate. After his resurrection, he spent forty days with his friends. He walked among them and ate with them. He gave them the power to carry out all that he commanded of them.

In contrast to the forty days that preceded his public ministry, the Risen Lord, in his glorified existence, was not subject to pain and deprivation. His human soul and his human body were no longer subject to the elements of the universe. Prior to his resurrection his body and soul were made vulnerable to the forces of nature and the cruelty of men. But in the days following his resurrection, his glorified body transcended these things. For instance, he was able to appear in many places in a short period of time; he was able to walk through walls; and he was able to disappear from sight of others at a moment’s notice. These forty days in which our Lord fellowshipped with his closest relatives and friends is every bit as important as his forty days in the desert. In some respects, it is a snapshot of heaven.

To be sure, the joys of the Risen Lord during these forty days- that is, the first Easter Season –is that which he intends to share with his friends in heaven. It is a preview. And as indicated, it was during that time that he celebrated the Eucharist with his disciples in Emmaus, when he communicated his Spirit to the Apostles by breathing on them, when invited St. Thomas to touch his wounds and when he ate breakfast (i.e. fish at the fire) with them. These were the joys that followed his Passion and Death on the Cross. According to his critics, the story was supposed to end with Good Friday. But in reality, the Easter Season marked the beginning of our Lord’s triumph over death.

In a world that is becoming more burdened with sorrows, it is important that we, his followers, show signs of that Easter joy. The early Church had a way of celebrating the Easter Season in a peculiar way. At the first Ecumenical Council of Nicea, the bishops gathered there gave the directive that Christians were not to kneel during the Easter-Pentecost Season. In Canon XX, it reads: “Since there are some who kneel on Sunday and during the season of Pentecost, this holy synod decrees that, so that the same observances may be maintained in every diocese, one should offer one's prayers to the Lord standing.”

The posture of standing up at Mass was symbolize the Risen Lord and the victory he had over death. For this reason, kneeling was forbidden during the Easter Season. Around the year 200 A.D., Tertullian, a Father of the Church, went so far as to suggest that penitential practices were inappropriate during the Easter Season. He said, "We consider it unlawful, to fast, or to pray kneeling, upon the Lord's day; we enjoy the same liberty from Easter-day to that of Pentecost."

As it should, the season of Lent ceremoniously draws our attention to our mortality, contrition and penance. But what about the season of Easter? How do we summon before us the reality of heaven?

The early Christians were a people of hope just when the Roman Empire was falling apart. They looked forward to the coming of the kingdom while pagans were looking backwards. Unable to see that the mustard seed Christ planted in Jerusalem was one of promise, the pagans thought their best days had passed. Indeed, their minds took them back to the glory days of Rome. Little did they know that the once persecuted society of believers, namely, the Catholic Church, held the keys to the future. Why? Because they seized the Easter Season and put into effect spiritual exercises that called to mind the kingdom of heaven. And by seeking first the kingdom of heaven as our Lord instructed, the early Christians were in a position to raise from the ruins of the Roman Empire a new and better civilization. Happier days were yet to come.

Working parents: Some unintended consequences

The following post is written for those working parents who have the option of having one parent stay home with their children.  There are, however, countless parents who do not enjoy this luxury. Due to financial necessity, there are many households where both parents need to work in order to pay the bills. Yet, there is a real temptation nowadays to define luxuries as “needs” in order to justify two incomes. Whether or not married couples have to finance real or perceived needs, there are unintended consequences of having both parents work full time. Theses consequences, unfortunately, escape most people because they unfold years later.

First, let’s take a look at a trend among today’s parents: In March of 2013 Kim Parker and Wendy from Pew Research wrote an article titled, “Modern Parenthood.” It was based on a study of working parents which shows that there is a trend which favors the office over being at home with the kids. For instance, Pew Research found that in just five years mothers who wanted to work full time have increased by 17 percent. “Among mothers with children under age 18, the share saying they would prefer to work full time has increased from 20% in 2007 to 32% in 2012.”

Even among fathers, the ideal of having a parent stay at home with the children is on the wane. “In 2009,” for instance, “54% of fathers with children under age 17 said the ideal situation for young children was to have a mother who did not work at all outside the home; today only 37% of fathers say that—a drop of 17 percentage points.”

Although the preference for a mother to stay home with the children is on the decline among both mothers and fathers, the difficulty of having both parents work is inescapable. Again, Pew Research found that “56% of mothers and 50% of fathers say juggling work and family life is difficult for them.” This reminded me of Dr. John Gray, author of book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. He once cited a study that shows that working-married women, more than ever before, are unhappy. Indeed, when the demands of the children greet them upon returning home from a long day at work, their stress is only intensified. This affects the working mother in a peculiar way because, according to Dr. Gray, they are more wired to fulfill the needs of the family. Fathers, on the other hand, are more inclined to fulfill his own needs before they get around to meeting their children’s needs. In other words, a man’s self-preservation skills are better because he is less empathetic to the needs of others.

Be that as it may, what escapes most working parents- especially those who have little time for their children –are the unintended consequences which unfold years after the childhood years. Invariably, when children are young, there needs are many. With this, the sacrifices required of parents are many. This is why the assertion can be made that being a stay-at-home mom (or dad) is the hardest job in the world. Unlike the office, a house of children is an uncontrolled environment.  

All of this is to say that the temperament, the behaviors and the needs of children are much more unpredictable than what we find in a work environment. In many cases, there is a predictable routine at work. Employees are incentivized to listen and cooperate with their supervisors. If they do not, they compromise their employment status. But stay-at-home moms enjoy no such perks. What is more, raising children full time is a thankless job. There are no promotions, no raises and no paid-leave. And to add insult to injury, the reward and the fruits of investing time with their children are not immediately felt. That comes much later. But the fall out of absentee parenting comes much later too. And for this reason, the dots between childhood upbringing and their behavior in the adulthood years are rarely connected.

In a 2006 study in Great Britain, the average time working parents spent with their children was 19 minutes. When a child grows up without seeing their parents throughout most of the day, they get accustomed to it. Sure, they’ll cry in those earlier years when mommy or daddy drives away from the daycare center. But eventually, they learn to cope with their parent’s absence. Soon enough, not being around mommy and daddy feels normal. And what feels normal as a child continues to feel normal when they reach adulthood.

However, as children get older and become less of a sacrifice, it often happens that parents want to spend more time around them. The parent-child relationship in the later years is, after all, more rewarding, more reciprocal and less demanding. And what is more, parents in their older age begin to see that those to whom they can rely on the most for help are their children; their own flesh and blood. It gradually dawns on them a closer relationship with their children is not just desirable, but it is a matter of necessity. But sadly, their children- now adults -are still used to what is normal. They have been trained to adapt to a life that did not involve a lot of time with their parents. Hence, just as their parents are reaching out to them more and more- in an attempt to make up for lost time -they find it exceedingly difficult to reciprocate. Too often, I am afraid, they don’t.

I used to work part time for a senior care service. What I found was that many senior citizens (either in nursing homes or living in their own homes) did not have a lot family members visiting them. And in many cases, the elderly were placed in nursing homes because their children were just too busy to take care of them. I often wondered if the generation of parents who put their children in daycare out of convenience were now being put in nursing homes for the same reason. What goes around, comes around.

Allow me to conclude on a personal note: My wife was given the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom for several years before our family needed her to work. When that time came there were a few years when we had to rely on daycare services for two of our children. It was a less-than-ideal situation. But the circumstances warranted a second income. We needed the money to keep our older kids in Catholic schools; which was a top priority for us. Still, even given the situation we were in, we knew that having one of us stay at home during the day with our kids was the ideal. However, we did our best to better the situation and accepted the results as God’s will. When the ideal could not be realized due to circumstances beyond our control, we learned that Divine Providence made up for what was lacking. Indeed, when plan A was out of reach, we believed that the Lord could do his work through plan B.

Unfortunately, parents are losing sight of the ideal. They are opting for plan B over plan A. But for those increasing number of parents who prefer to spend more time at the office rather than at home with their children- for those parents who believe this is the ideal –they should know what they are preparing their children for. There may come a time when they, in their time of need, will much rather be cared for by their own children in the warmth of a home than by paid staff at some nursing home. To be sure, nursing homes serve a noble purpose. Quite often, they do good work. But rarely do senior citizens want to live there as their first choice; especially when their children have the capability to care for them.

In any event, it must always be borne in mind that the apple never falls far from the tree.  For some in their old age, this is a consolation. Yet, for others, it is a cause for concern.

The 1974 song by Harry Chapman could not have driven this point home any better. It was a song ahead of its time. Please take time to read it. It may spare many of us from future heartache:  Cat's in the Cradle lyrics

The Marriage Conversation: Getting that and other things right

Below, are sobering statistics from Dr. William May’s book, Getting the Marriage Conversation Right. When the younger generations come of age, the tsunami of support for the legalization of same-sex unions will be significant. Take a look: 

• “The percentage of high school seniors who aspire to marriage has remained unchanged over the years, but the number achieving their dreams has dropped precipitously.” 
• “In just 30 years the marriage rate per 1000 unmarried women declined more than 43 percent. Births to unmarried mothers are now over 41 percent.” 
• “Research shows that 46 percent of eighteen- to twenty-nine-year-olds now believe that the ‘growing variety in types of family arrangements’ is a good thing.”
• “56 percent of high school seniors believe it is OK to have children and not be married. An increasing number of eighteen-to twenty-nine-year-olds think that marriage is obsolete (44 percent).”

Most of the book is geared for public policy and the debates surrounding the redefinition of marriage. The argument Dr. May advances centers on the premise that marriage unites a man and a woman with each other and any children born from their union. Since no other institution fulfills this objective, proponents for the sanctity of marriage cannot afford to omit this critical dimension. Indeed, the public policy debate comes down to two conflicting understandings of marriage (taken almost verbatim from the book):

1. Marriage is the public recognition of a committed relationship between a man and a woman (or two adults) for their fulfillment.

• Increasingly, people have come to think of marriage as a means of pursuing individual happiness.
• But when society severs marriage from the right of children to have a mother and a father, this sacred institution can easily be reduced to a mere instrument of self-fulfillment
• Marriage is much greater than the sum of its parts

2. Marriage unites a man and a woman with each other and any children born from their union.

• Marriage is much more than an institution for adult fulfillment…Marriage between a man and a woman is still the only institution that unites kids with their mom and dad. This expresses the fullness of what marriage is.
• Marriage thus defined, a man and a woman are not only irreplaceable to each other; but as a father and a mother, they are irreplaceable for their children.
• On the other hand, if same-sex unions were to be legally recognized, fathers or mothers would be replaceable. Having two of the same-sex parents for any child would necessarily involve the negation of the other.

Dr. May’s points are very helpful in framing the policy debate along more solid grounds. He is of the opinion that educating the youth will help reverse their widespread support for alternative lifestyles and unions. For instance, he said, “Reversing this trend requires the education of young people on the reality of marriage….”

As with many Catholic scholars and evangelists, he suggests that education is the key in restoring the acceptance of the Christian definition of marriage. In part, I agree with him. However, I am of the belief that ideas alone will not suffice. And because ideas alone will not suffice, education as the instrument of communicating ideas cannot compete against the strong social and political momentum in favoring the redefinition of marriage.

We have to consider how the Church Fathers, the monastics and early Christians overcame a similar tsunami. From the ruins of a decadent Greco-Roman civilization and a fallen Roman Empire, they brought forth a Christian civilization. And that civilization was built upon a solid moral foundation. If truth be told, their challenges in restoring society were more formidable than ours. Like them, we have to draw from Christ’s reserve of supernatural strength and add spiritual sacrifices to education. Ideas and eloquent arguments were not enough then and they are not enough now!

In 1832, a holy priest, Blessed Antonio Rosmini, tried to convince his contemporaries that many Catholic institutions in his day were relying too much on intellectual formation and not enough on spiritual formation. Using the early Church as a model, he said, “That which the Apostles added to their preaching was the Catholic worship, which chiefly consists in sacrifice, sacraments, and the prayers thereto pertaining…The doctrines which they spread abroad by preaching were not so many abstract assertions; but the practical force, the force of action, arose from that worship, whereby man could attain the grace of the Almighty.”

About one hundred years later, Our Lord told St. Faustina essentially the same thing. He said, “You will save more souls through prayer and suffering than will a missionary through his teachings and sermons alone.” But by the early twentieth century it was beginning to be a long forgotten truth.

Therefore, as we press forward with developing ways to communicate the sanctity of marriage, let’s be mindful of what restored it during the early years of the Church. As Pope Leo XIII said, “When a society is perishing, the wholesome advice to give to those who would restore it is to call it to the principles from which it sprang; for the purpose and perfection of an association is to aim at and to attain that for which it is formed, and its efforts should be put in motion and inspired by the end and object which originally gave it being.”